dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize