Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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