it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
