I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I am never drinking with the goths again.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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