i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
