The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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