Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
