last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
