I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize