so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
