It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
