Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
