I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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