I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
