Life is so much better after having sex.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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