end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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