Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
