my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize