She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize