Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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