He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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