sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
