Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
