They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
