she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
