Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
