I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize