proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
