the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
