what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
