Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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