C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ππΌ
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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