Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
