Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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