I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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