I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize