Well douche your snatch and let's go!
are you so shy because you have an std?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize