I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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