My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
