My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I party with great urgency now.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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