It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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