"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize