just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Randomize
