I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
