i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
