The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i dont even know how to be here
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
