Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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