Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
