my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
