Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
