I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
