Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize