Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
