Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
