I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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