I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
