I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
