I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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