so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
