and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
