dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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