You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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