I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
love makes seman taste better
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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