That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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