he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
