im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
