I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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