Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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