drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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