I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
