i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
